It's been a while since you've heard from me here.
I just returned to the redwoods of California after a 6 month journey of reconnection, alignment and remembrance in Bali. I'm so grateful to have hit the reset button – it was much needed nourishment for my tender heart and soul.
Truth be told, I burned out last fall. I had a breakdown and literally collapsed out of emotional and mental exhaustion. I managed to make it to Joshua Tree to visit a trusty old friend. I spent a silent week in the desert, reflecting deeply on all aspects of my life, asking the big questions.
After 5 years of running my online coaching business for women, I realized I was no longer walking my talk.
It became clear that I needed to make some important changes in order to be more aligned, embodied and in integrity with myself. During the spring and summer months prior is when things started to unravel.
The world was crumbling before our eyes in 2020. I had a large cohort of women going through the third round of my signature 6-month program called Evoke, along with a full private coaching practice and I was launching a new membership option for those struggling financially due to the uncertain times.
Many of the women I was serving had lost their jobs, were struggling to take care of their families and going through deeper mental challenges as the pandemic crept in. I was a pillar for the community and held space for many, but in the midst of it all, I lost sight of my own needs, and wasn’t making time to integrate my challenges and care for my vessel.
I was on my phone constantly doing my best to manage and sustain a team for the first time. I wasn't taking healthy breaks, doing my daily practices or nourishing my body well. Instead of leading with my heart and womb as I usually do, I was spiraling in my head – making lists in my sleep and jumping on my devices first thing in the morning, responding to the inflow of emails and rushing important decisions.
The stress and overwhelm creeped in. I was having a hard time hearing the voice of my intuition and I was feeling less and less like myself.
I took a pause from offering private coaching and group programs this winter and spring so that I could focus on drinking my own sweet rose medicine by going within and recharging my batteries.
I had the opportunity to go to Bali with a special business visa to finish recording songs I had started the year before Covid hit, so I said yes and went for it.
During my time there I visited countless water temples to pray and make offerings to the water spirits of Bali. I would spend full days singing devotional Sufi music, in ceremonies and in the recording studio. I spent a lot of time in the jungle listening to the symphony of sound. On the weekends, I turned my devices off and absorbed the healing, purifying energies of the lush goddess island of Bali.
I felt worlds open up inside of me, as lifetimes of stress dissolved away.
One morning I woke up and went for a walk, collecting champaca flowers (temple flowers) along the path, and tears came to my eyes as I felt the feeling of home again in my heart. Even though I was on the other side of the planet, I felt home in myself.
This is the essence of the Temple of the Rose, that even I had forgotten.
It's the reminder and invitation to come home yourself again and again. To remember that everything you need is already inside of you, waiting to be touched, felt, acknowledged, seen and treasured. When we take the time to slow down and breath deeply, the magic of our hearts open and unfurl. We remember who we are.
So often we can get caught up in life - looking for the next thing to accomplish, the next box on our to-do list to check off, or to experience what we think will get us something, or somewhere – even if our intentions are the best.
May we remember, we are sitting on diamonds.
Your immaculate heart is the diamond.
A perfect magnificent rose.
How can we soften and slow down to remember this?
Even when life is at the peak of chaos?
The world doesn’t need more people stuck in their heads trying to “make things happen”. The world needs more heart-centered people presently caring for themselves, each other, and this planet.
I am so humbled and grateful for the opportunity to journey home - to reside in my heart again. To not compromise anything for the deep inner knowing that comes from the abundant well of woman wisdom we all have access to when we are attuned.
I'm happy to be back in the redwoods, ready to open the doors of Temple of the Rose and be of service to you again - with a full cup! And many lessons learned.
This summer I will be opening my private coaching practice and offering a 3-month mentorship circle starting July 1 for women coaches who wish to offer their gifts to the world in a way that is anchored in their feminine wisdom and unique essence.
I look forward to sharing more about the medicine of Mama Bali, the lessons and practices I learned about honoring and embodying the feminine within.
In the meantime, I made you a special summer playlist, I hope you enjoy…